Revelations

I had an eye-opening experience with my oldest daughter today. One I'm still trying to digest and sort through. She is 14 and trying to assert her independence. A rite of passage that I know we all go through as we try to find our way in this world, cut the apron strings, and become our own person.

I guess I've always had illusions that my kids, especially my oldest daughter, would grow up to be just like me. I don't exactly know where that comes from unless it is some side effect of motherhood. God knows that I am different from both of my parents in alot of respects so why would I think that my children would grow up to be just like me?

We were discussing a topic today that I feel very strongly about. I have shared my feelings about this subject openly and honestly most of my adult life. Therefore, I was shocked to learn that she has a different opinion than mine. Not totally opposed to, just different. It was really the first time that I have been faced with the prospect that she is growing up. She is forming her own opinions and conclusions on the way the world is and how it works. After digesting this conversation a little, I realized that even though I disagree with her viewpoint, I am proud of the fact that she is becoming her own person. She is still young and immature in alot of ways and even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it, she still needs guidance and direction on some things from myself and my husband. But at the same time, I need to be able to step back and allow her the freedom to express herself openly and honestly, even if she disagrees with me, without the fear of judgment or correction.

This will take some effort on my part, I admit. I don't want to let go. I know this is the way it is supposed to work. We train them for a few short years (too short) and hope to release them into the world as responsible, hard working, well adjusted adults who are ready to make a difference in this world. It's just coming a little too soon for me. In a lot of ways, my influence on her is greatly diminishing. I guess I have to hope and pray that we've done a good job laying the foundation and then the rest will hopefully take care of itself.

Being a single parent

I have to tell you how much I admire and respect single parents. My mother was one for many years and sometimes I don't know how she did it. I am a stay-at-home mom and still can't seem to accomplish even the simplest tasks with all that is required in taking care of my home and my family. I can't imagine how single parents get it all done.

Now to the reason for this blog. As I shared in an earlier blog, my husband recently began a new job after 16 months of unemployment. I hear people talk about how their spouses drive them crazy when they are around the house too much, but not me. I loved having my husband home. I had someone to help out with all the mundane tasks that had to be accomplished and if I needed to run to the store for a minute he could watch the kids. Not to mention the adult companionship that so many of us stay at home parents long for. I knew having him back at work would be an adjustment.

He has now been at work for four weeks. Every week so far he has been out of town for at least one night. He left again this morning for another two days. He has traveled in the past, but never this much. It is to be expected with a new job and I understand completely. I just didn't realize how hard of an adjustment it was going to be. Being the only one to take care of the kids, take them to all of their various functions and making sure the homework gets done, meals get cooked, etc. etc. etc. is exhausting. And why is it that kids are so much more difficult and whiny when dad isn't around? I admit I'm probably alot more on edge and stressed when he is gone as well. His travels help me realize how lucky I am to have him around to help out and so much more aware of the plight of single parents. At least I know my discomfort is short lived and that he will be coming back. Doing it all on your own every day without help, well, I couldn't begin to imagine.

So, my point, if you know any single parents, think about ways to help them out. Run errands for them, babysit their kids so they can have a night out, offer to mow their lawn. There are a number of ways we could reach out and try to make their lives a little more manageable.

The Agony of Defeat

I have to admit sometimes it is really hard being a mom. Especially when your kids are struggling and you don't really know what to say. Let me elaborate.

This is the second year that our son, Matthew, has played football. Flag last year and tackle this year. He has played a total of fourteen games. His teams have won a grand total of one (that was last year). After 5 games this year, we are 0-5. And we've had some close ones. Last week, we had the first lead of the season. Last night we had our first half time lead. And we still lost.

A little history...Matthew played soccer for four years as a small child and his team was very good. They won a lot more than they lost. Therefore, he is used to winning. He loves playing football now, especially tackle. I have a son who loves to hit people (it sounds so barbaric, doesn't it?). He's playing defense and loves it. I think he would much rather be the one doing the tackling than the one getting tackled. But the losing is really starting to wear on him. I'm the kind of person who thinks that losing can be a good thing sometimes. I think it can build character and teaches you how to lose gracefully, but it's even beginning to wear on me. Week after week, I watch these boys play their hearts out only to have their hopes dashed. To their credit, they keep after it and do show improvement every week. Matthew has done very well this year playing his position and has been able to take away some good feelings from his performance. But last night was too much for him.

I always try to find something positive to say no matter how bad the loss was, but last night Matthew wouldn't listen to anything I said. He didn't have a great game but he did okay. Being an emotional person (as I know alot of us females are), I'm learning that sometimes you just have to back off and let them have their pity party. He was better by the time he went to bed and seemed to have shaken it off.

My hope is that he will learn from these experiences. Losing is tough but it does build character. It should make the wins that much sweeter when they do come. I also hope that he learns that you can't be the star all the time. The fact is that in life, you win some and you lose some and you have to roll with whatever life throws at you. Sometimes you have to let other people have the spotlight and have the great performance while you take a backseat. I will learn to stand back and let him vent his frustrations (in a healthy manner) because they will eventually blow over. He will learn to let it roll off and look forward to the next game. I will continue to stand on the sideline and cheer him on in wins and in losses. And just maybe, I'll learn to keep my mouth shut because sometimes he just needs me be to be silent.

A Trip to the Zoo

Today I got to go on a field trip with my daughter, Mackenzie, and her kindergarten class. Marlee went with us and we enjoyed a beautiful day at the zoo and then we got to enjoy lunch at the local football stadium. The kids got to run around on the field and had a great time. We're a little worn out but happy that I got to go with her.

Here are a few pictures of our adventure.

Mackenzie and Marlee waiting to go into the zoo.

 

Me and my girls.

 

Hanging out under the goal post.

 

Marlee trying to be a cheerleader.