Revelations

I had an eye-opening experience with my oldest daughter today. One I'm still trying to digest and sort through. She is 14 and trying to assert her independence. A rite of passage that I know we all go through as we try to find our way in this world, cut the apron strings, and become our own person.

I guess I've always had illusions that my kids, especially my oldest daughter, would grow up to be just like me. I don't exactly know where that comes from unless it is some side effect of motherhood. God knows that I am different from both of my parents in alot of respects so why would I think that my children would grow up to be just like me?

We were discussing a topic today that I feel very strongly about. I have shared my feelings about this subject openly and honestly most of my adult life. Therefore, I was shocked to learn that she has a different opinion than mine. Not totally opposed to, just different. It was really the first time that I have been faced with the prospect that she is growing up. She is forming her own opinions and conclusions on the way the world is and how it works. After digesting this conversation a little, I realized that even though I disagree with her viewpoint, I am proud of the fact that she is becoming her own person. She is still young and immature in alot of ways and even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it, she still needs guidance and direction on some things from myself and my husband. But at the same time, I need to be able to step back and allow her the freedom to express herself openly and honestly, even if she disagrees with me, without the fear of judgment or correction.

This will take some effort on my part, I admit. I don't want to let go. I know this is the way it is supposed to work. We train them for a few short years (too short) and hope to release them into the world as responsible, hard working, well adjusted adults who are ready to make a difference in this world. It's just coming a little too soon for me. In a lot of ways, my influence on her is greatly diminishing. I guess I have to hope and pray that we've done a good job laying the foundation and then the rest will hopefully take care of itself.